Tuesday, June 22, 2010
i am finally waken up on day two.. its 7.24am now and real late in Singapore.. the jet lag din work much on me. thank God...
Thinking about work alot especially fish soup with PaperStop.... perhaps i am still not use to idling and being on a holiday... the people here are nice... \
The long-haul flight was a nightmare... my arse are sore from the sitting all day.. i challenge the authority during my second flight..... My first flight was good and the plane was luxurious but perhaps also because it was too grand a flight that everyone seems to follow the rule.. so much so that even babies dun cry....
The transit was a rush, my only memories of it was big foot steps and all kinds of signboard reading.. i was scared out of my wits and all the time while walkign i was trying to get some signals on my cell to contact bbbbbbbbbbbbb.. but it wasnt scary..... no one tried anything strange... maybe they were targeting more on the westerns... (i am somehow thankful i am asian)
we took a metro back to HayMarket where bbbbbb's apartment was..
Last night bbbbbbbb brought me around his school compound.. he is living in the more fun area.. a lot like Orchard Road in Singapore,... the to-die-for thing is H&M- exactly 2 building here are H&M,.. i am tempted already... bbb had total control of our finance... i pass him all the money to be deposit into his account.. whenever i wanted something he will pay for it.. by doing so i am convince we shall have enough to last us...
i fell asleep immediately after dinner last night.. it was almost 8pm and the sun was stillbright.... Summer is all about long hours of sunshine..... bbbb mention during winter they had nightlight throughout the day... so this is four Seasons!
loggin off now... will try to blog when i can......miss all of you back in Singapore.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Another awful day. I am losing hope
Sent via BlackBerry from SingTel!
On another note... i am heading to town later with Jann and Xue,.. and silly Jann msg us both saying "would we experience Flood?"
haha.. it certainly made my laugh a little..... sometimes simple words like this can make some one's day - couple with some comfort food- courtesy of PaperStop.
Do you have anything to comfort yourself?
i love chocolate, ice-cream on a sad day.... more importantly i wish i had someone who would listen quietly while i vomit my worries... i;ve learnt that ppl who take the time to listen are people who really understand the position you are in... When you are finish with your sentence they provide their side of opinion and somehow, you'll end up listening silently as well..
i know of a couple who fight while holding one glass of water... each time the cup of water is in the hand of - for example the girl- the guy gets to talk and the girl will listen while siping a few mouthful of water. When the guy is done he takes over the water - while the girl talk. By doing so, they wont feel tired easily (haha) and they each have a fair opportunity of sharing their tots.
I also wish there was someone who would hold my hand when i get upset... if you watch "your Hands in mine" every time the charater touches their hand to show consolation- there is immediately a "chang" sound..- actually that feeling is surreal... a it is a gesture that will definitely make someone cheer up a little ....
One way of comforting is to drag a friend and go shopping.. but you got to take note that you MUST HAVE SOMETHING YOU WANNA BUY and you MUST GET IT. there will be a sense of accomplishment and that will comfort you as well..
Can you suggest some other ways to comfort yourself?
Thursday, June 17, 2010
in a matter of 3 days i'll seeing you and like we both see it- it will be together now- forever
Some matters of the heart are unexplainable and very often, bits of miscommunication turns in huge fight, sometimes bad ones.. But i really want you to know how much i want things to work out.
i may not be all that perfect, and in our eyes we've probably reach a stage where the sparkle is no longer that, we may not dated for too long but already i am deeply attracted to you. The sort of person i see myself is someone who can be pretty unbearable sometimes, but as much as i can, i do wish we will walk this journey together, hand in hand, us.
Lately, we lose that patience towards each others, this was especially hard after being reminded not to fight, argue or take part in anything that will harm the relationship. Perhaps i was trying too hard not to fall into the trap that seems to be targeting us, the anxiety to prevent seems to take a unfortunate turn and that result in our continuous "i'll call you back" conversation in order for both parties to calm down.
i've read somewhere the best solution to a healthy relationship is to recount those happy times, and somehow convince ourselves this till work out - just the way we wish it would. So here's my version of the happier times.
"it was our first trip overseas, and right after unpacking the luggage you suggest i tk a quick bath to freshen up a little before we head out for dinner. While suggesting this you pretend to be watching some sitcom on the tv.
I walk out of the bathroom to find the bed nicely decorated with a laptop and a gift box. laying on the laptop was a video made by you, it was some snap shots of all the places we've been together, there was also a message you wrote in side of how confident you are that we will be together for quite a while.
I open the gift box to find the same dress i hesitate on buying a while back, you hadnt seen me choosing it nor trying it. I verbally told you about the dress and show you a pic of me wearing it... you remember it all in your mind and went to get it for me... that was the best gift i;ve gotten from anyone, and i tear so badly in the room before changing into that dress. i went out to the living room where you were still pretending to watch the tv, i hug you tightly and couldnt contain my tears....... you let me cried for a while before bring me to our dinner tgr...."
"it was my 22nd birthday and you had planned a array of activities for us... i had bought a new dress to be worn on that day, you came to my place and whisk me off to serangoon gardens, you bought banana chocolate cake from Awfully chocolate, and we went back to your place to cut the cake with your Mum and sis.
We proceed to shop at Vivo where i wasnt keen on getting anything, when it was dinner time you blindfold me and lead me to my seat. You drove for what seems like the longest time, i can feel you spinning but i couldnt figure where we were heading....
You surprise me with a dinner booking done at JewelBox, it was the first time i;ve seen someone done valet parking.... dinner was equally beautiful, we had a snapshot of our dinner tgr, we chat alot and share some food... i was clearly surprise and you were satisfied with your planning..... the night fell and we walk around mount faber before heading home... "
" it was our 6th month anniversary.... it was also my turn to do some planning, again i was in my best dress... and i book a table at HobNob.\, it was my favourite restaurant and i was keen on sharing my joy... the dinner was simple,. but i was feeling really blessed.. you allow me to act like the princess i wanted to be... we were simple.. and indeed happy"
"We didnt get to spend our first year anniversary together, you were over in UK and i was stuck in Singapore. You were disappointed that i wouldnt be going over for christmas, but we tried to make the best out of the situation...... We arrange to skype at a certain time.. and before that we loaded a movie at our end.... i remmeber the movie was called "Up".... we pressed the "play" button together...... we tried to make do with it.. it felt like i was watching the movie with you by my side... i teared at the part where the grandpa's wife passed away... and you console me...... i treasure that moment... we were in love.. and loving it... "
"You came back to singapore for a while.. it was meant to be a surprise but due to a small arguement.. and because i was sneaking into your e-mail account alot.. i found out about it... i plan a surprise in turn for you... so during your return.. i make you packing enuff clothes to last us 3 days. den i seek your buddy help to prepare the food for the party tonight... i even bring your family into the planning and everyone was ready to drop you a surprise...
Your friend were shockk to see you... and you were shock to see them.... we spent a night at the arcade while your buddies catches toy.... it was couple of hours to X'mas... we had a tiny arguement cos i din get to wish you in time for you were too preoccupied talking to your mates... nevertheless... it was christmas with you and i was blessed"
bbbbbbbbbb...... i wish we wont fight so often.... i wanna accumulate the happy memories and mark them in my heart forever....
if there were a calendar on our relationship on daily basis.... i wanna see 30 boxes of =) per month and 1 box of =]...... ... having a =( on our calendar aint worth it.. cos you are my bestest friend and partner.... and i want nuttin else but happiness for you....
let's hook fingers shall we?
Yet i cant complain, and i contnue to envy them in silence over their luck, being their diehard reader and hopefully feel the joy they had while typing their entries. Maybe its really me, i cant make my life as colourful as theirs. For some reason everything that is happening now are just part of my life - and not part of the life i hope to have.
i do wish i find joy in everything that is happening around me or is going to happen, but there are bound to be walls filtering my joy and mixing it with bits of mixed emotions.
I am somehow grateful to surprises, i see joy in being slap with things that never knew was going to happen, but it seems people around me tend to be upmost honest when it comes to the itinery. As such, i've to actually request for most of them not to tell me wat is going to happen.
Why does it seems when life is too straight forward you want some complication
Leaving singapore in a couple of days, not in much mood to pack, not in much mood to listen to instruction..... not in much mood to follow orders. i do wish i feel that bit of anticipation i had earlier... bt as it's nearing, i cant help but dread it..
Spoke to PaperStop this morning, i am frustrated and stress- stress over knowing what is to come ahead. i am scared, scared of everything that i knew was going to happen. Somethings are not dependable on fate. this time i had to built it with my bare hands... but i am losing the momentum, i am not motivated to want to built something out of this situation.
if only i had that sort of emotions on those blog that i read, i do wish i could count my blessing at this time - but this sort of blessing that are financially dependable are not to be taken seriously,
human are selfish and jealous creature - they see the need to make others jealous, but they fail to realise one fine day,.. their partner will be jealous of others tooo
p/p/p/p/p/s: do not raise this post to me.. thanks..
Monday, June 14, 2010
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
More often i force myself to believe it was 2 weeks rather than 11days till i see bbbbbbbbb....... it seems shorter!
bbbbbb had a hard time tinking of what to get me on our anniversary (and super super post- belated birthday celebration). He had initially request we get each other Man-U jersey and that shall does it... but i wasnt satisfied... =)
i wanted surprise! And right now i am stuck cos i cant tink of a better gift to get him in return.
Blogging this days has been rather dull, i am losing the momentum again - as much as i would like to pen all tots in here so tracing back on my life will be so much fufiling....
on the other hand, i am picking up on catchin up wit the girls, meeting Jann to celebrate her 24th this thurs with xue. And just last wed we did a DKS over at vivo to celebrate Besties Sharon super-post birthday.
next week's gonna be equally packed, for those of you out that who care for some shopping next sat, may i request you head down to Supperclub (no clubbing involve cos the activities happens in the day) for a day of Flea, goods sold include bohemian style, Bonitochico and other BN stuff, PaperStop happen to book a slot and i've conveniently squeeze my tight ass into one corner... so find me there and say hi=)
Also on wednesday, Pau and Cuz can finally find time for SATC2, awaiting clar's confirmation and i'll be able to meet the ladies for a short session before i fly off.
there is also the plan to meet Mr chong before i fly off, he's a lonely soul seeking single ladies (nah kidding.. he's a real nice guy la) so if any one of you care for some matchmaking do PM me too...
What The Flea @ Supperclub
date: 19 June 2010
location: SupperClub, in between National library and Bras besah complex
SATC2 the movie
Date: 16 June 2010
Location : hopefully the Cathay
Attire: definitely SATC style
Meet Mr chong
Date: 18 June 2010
Kristal flies off
Date: 20 June 2010 midnight
Location: changi airport, dunno which terminal
Attire: super casual for a 2 days flight across the globe
MacDonald with PaperStop
Date: today.. after work later...
Location: not gonna reveal. walking from home
Attire: i wanted to dress like a stupid stay home girl, but she threaten me with picture takin. -.-"
i 'm off!`
Sunday, June 06, 2010
Friday, June 04, 2010
i do wanna blog... but i am upset right now.. here's some information on how to console yourself (it will be useful in some events)
from a blog i readI have managed to [at least in my imagination] create two sides of me: one girl that's always brooding, sad and bitter; the other always optimistic and out to cheer someone up.
Whenever I'm depressed, these two figures talk things out in my head and I am reduced to nothing more than a mere listener to both sides. This puts things in perspective for me, but doesn't necessarily stop me from being weepy and all. It just helps me rationalize things.
some help from googling online
- Listening to peaceful music, thinking, or sleeping.
- Chat with friend who I don't know very well. Because we don't know each other deeply, they can uplift the conversation and offer more of an outsider perspective.
- I hear the still, small voice inside, which says:"Eat, eat, eat."
- I call my boyfriend to hear his voice. I know this sucks, but I guess that's the only kind of dependency I have with him... I tend not to have any...
- I don't "console" myself..one consoles others
- Pray and cry ...then only i can feel better
i read the line that we dont console ourselves, we are meant to console others............. i wish he was here to console me right now...................
i also read on the crying part, i wish i could right now except i was on a 9-5 job and weeping at work could account to scaring my colleagues and non-existence chance of getting a better contract.
The part on calling the boyfriend wont help either......
tink i'll just swallow again..... =(
Thursday, June 03, 2010
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
i woke up this morning to a call from bbbbbbbbbbbbb.... he asked if i am still affected by yesterday, and then my mind went like this-> ???????????????????????????????????????????
A sudden strange feeling overcome me, it appears to be a plain denial of the truth. To be frank, i tink i've experience a sudden loss of memory. All i clearly remember was i upset bbbbbb badly and i cried den den i cried so bad i had mucus and tears all mixed together and then....................... and den i cant remember anything else.
it's almost as if God has given us a second chance and like those who knew alien exist in MIB, i saw a bolt of lightning happening right before my very eye and den i lost all memories.
bbbbbbbb says its good and we should leave bad memories behind, i asked him what happens if the same problem occurs again, he said when the moment comes, he will remind me what exactly was forgotten.
i am thankful to my bf for being the mature one taking care of me at this period. I still cant decipher what went wrong and why i woke up with heavy, swollen and puffy eyes, but i am thankful God helps to take this pain away and bbbbbbbb to be around to assure me everything's alright now.
In no time bbbbbbb and i will embark on a new journey where we begin the new chapter of our lives together, we will be celebrating the closure of our 2nd year tgr and the beginning of our third. bbbbbb and i were the kind of couple i love to be in, the past 24 months have me witnessed scandals , bad break up and patches and really bad romance.
Not a moment in our lives had we been apart mentally for more than 24hrs. Perhaps its the determination we have, we will not resort to short term breakup even if this was suggested. i sugeest a short term time apart many times and i am very grateful he had never really once agreed to it. And one time he suggest the same thing, i refused.
If i were to reason why i tink my relationship is the real deal, it would have to be because of two things i did that i am particularly proud of :-
1. i survive a one year distance apart and now we about to call an end to this period and be reunited, and we kept in contact for 370days straight, there was never a single days that we were apart for too long virtually.
2. i made him sweet. It was the toughest deal of my life, i burnt both hands not out of failure, but because one will need a tough-burnt gloves when making taffy sweet, you can google this to find out. i held the burning sugar in my buttered hands and juggle them while pulling it before it toughen into sweet. Each juggling is like pouring a freshly cook cup noodle into your hands, my sister gave up and my cousin withstand the heat but couldnt get the sweet "pull" due to the heat, i made sweets for my sweets. Cos he was the sweetest and only sweets make sense
we will be holding our celebration in UK during our "us-time". It wont be a big event or something really major because we've discussed and decided to keep the special event for bigger moments of our lives. Nevertheless, he offer to plan something good and i will dress up specially for that day.
bbbbbb and i agreed to head to Italy next after our trip from UK, it will be another thing i can now look forward to, it will be another period of "us-time".
and after talking to bbbbbbbbbb's family, i was more certain if bbbbbbbb were to continue staying in UK after his graduation because he was offer a job there, i would await my own graduation in 2011 May and den fly over to join him. My parents din really talk much abt it, but Mum hinted i would end up joining him in UK anyway.
Dear friends, i guess i will call an end to my search for the real deal, i hope you found your own happiness too. Till more updates, here's me wishing Rodman and i another 2 years of sweet-fillled memories.
Sometimes when u realise you really have to get down to matter
maybe you've already lost the battle to someone else
Lesson learnt: No One should be More Important to You than Yourself. So dont Try too hard to please everyone. Dont place anyone on top anymore, dun tink you are permanent to anyone, you ARE dispensible to anyone, but you can never give up on yourself.