Wednesday, October 28, 2009

excited!! Counting 40days plus plus plus to his return!

Haha... Not true la, let me rephrase - counting down 400 days to BB!!!!!

On a happier note, Dad is finally discharge this afternoon, the entire weekend of daze n hidden depressing moment will soon b over. Its time to appreciate the family n dad's contributions to the hse, probably spending more time in n out with the family n showering my nearly sister in law with some family ties... What a new resolution different frm my style

Sunday, October 25, 2009

My life is on a tumbling mess,

really thankful it's pick up whenever i feel i cant take it anymore,

will b back to post new entries as soon as i am up and kicking.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009
































Lets get excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1


Here's the latest gift from bb, omg omg omg omg omg...


now dun ask me why i hadnt choose Iphone over Blackberry. i do know its cheaper to get Iphone over at UK but it excites me to know blackbery has this function where bb and i can do bb-msn, which is BB version of Msn. On top of that, since bb and i address each other by "bb", it makes sense that BB becomes our first choice of gift instead of the latter.


now it down to what i am getting for my bb for his birthday this sat. We have decided to officially shift his birthday for year 2009 to december when he returns. By then i promise a good celebration that leaves both of us missing each other more so when he returns to UK, it wont be long till he wants to see me again..!!


not going to announce what i had in mind, Pau, u better start planning with me..

Sunday, October 18, 2009

~i have always hated wearing bra, ever since puberty at age 10, i had to. When i was at her place, i refuse to sleep with a bra. That morning, she wakes me up and ask if i would want to go for a stroll with her, i reluctantly heads for her wardrobe and search for a bra, but then i change my mind.
That morning, we went for a stroll by the long-gang, with me in a sexy red spaghetti stripe i found in her wardrobe... and she was happy.



~i stand inside her red trolley, and smile to myself as she pushes the trolley. Then i will pause her and demand to come out of the trolley. We would flatten the trolley and with the handle in my left hand, and my tiny right hand in her wrinkle hand, we would walk to the market for grocery and to secretly indulge in her favourite "oyster-omelette" that the others wouldn't allow her to eat, including her doctor.



~she holds my hand and secretly tickles my palm, i would struggle and try to shake my tiny hand. She was strong, she smile at me while i scream and laugh and beg her to stop. Den she slowly stop her tickling, and we will continue to stroll hand in hand to her next appointment.


~she makes dumpling, every year, i wanted to help and beg her to allow me to contribute, she will be reluctant at first, den slowly give in to my crazy demand. She opens the drawer and took out a butter knife, that was how i started my culinary interest, chopping garlic and crying while peeling onion.


~i love to impress her, i hate to be at home, back then the letterbox was never locked, i would grab all the brochures from mummy before she throw them away. i would lay the colourful brochures on the table, carefully selecting those i tink will impress her. I will put it all in a blue envelope, the ones i force mummy to buy me. Den on a saturday, i will tk them all out and impress her, she would study them one by one, asking me how i came to my selection. i was proud of myself.


~she made wonderful blanket, and i wanted one just like my brother's. i demanded a pink one with ribbon, she did me one with minnie mouse, and another with satin cloth and pony. i haven use another blanket since.


~she heard me sing one day, and taught me to sing her favourite song in hokkien, i would sing it with her and we would dance together, back then we were never embarress.



~she flash her boob to me once, placing my tiny hand on her mechanical heart, she told me "never forgets my heartbeat" i never did


i want to join u, wherever u are now, it hurts, my heart hurts,

Sunday, October 11, 2009

From: judyrawlings1@hotmail.comTo: xxx@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: I HAVE MADE THE PAYMENT
.............Reply to your ad: Sony Ericsson XperiaDate: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 16:18:33 +0100

Hello i told you from the onset that i dont do scam i have sent the payment and the money had been removed from my account and will be transfer to yours i will be reporting to the authority now


From: Xxx@hotmail.comTo: judyrawlings1@hotmail.comSubject: RE: I HAVE MADE THE PAYMENT .............Reply to your ad: Sony Ericsson XperiaDate: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 23:01:15 +0800

Hi Judith,
Sorry... I dun think I will do this deal... It's is risky! I afraid that it might be a scam. Sorry. If you wan I will do make up with cash...
http://www.joewein.de/sw/fraud-western-union-bidpay-ebay.htm#moneygram
Rodman


From: judyrawlings1@hotmail.comTo: xxx@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: I HAVE MADE THE PAYMENT .............Reply to your ad: Sony Ericsson XperiaDate: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 15:51:01 +0100

Please kindly assist me to send the item first thing tomorrow morning so that it can get there by next week pls do your best to get it posted first thing tomorrow.You can write the delivery address on it now and take it along with you tomorrow thanks


From: xxx@hotmail.comTo: judyrawlings1@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: I HAVE MADE THE PAYMENT .............Reply to your ad: Sony Ericsson XperiaDate: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 22:44:01 +0800

Tomorrow I got class... Latest by tuesday...


From: judyrawlings1@hotmail.comTo: xxx@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: I HAVE MADE THE PAYMENT .............Reply to your ad: Sony Ericsson XperiaDate: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 15:42:13 +0100

yes it simple as soon as you post the item out you will be given a receipt of postage from the post office there you see a tracking number/bar code forward it to paypal as soon as they receive and verified it the money will be transfered into your account immediately.do get back to me asap


From: xxx@hotmail.comTo: judyrawlings1@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: I HAVE MADE THE PAYMENT .............Reply to your ad: Sony Ericsson XperiaDate: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 22:34:51 +0800

Sorry... Check with you... So I need to send paypal a mail on the tracking number? or how I send them?


From: judyrawlings1@hotmail.comTo: xxx@hotmail.com
Subject: I HAVE MADE THE PAYMENT .............Reply to your ad: Sony Ericsson XperiaDate: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 15:14:27 +0100

This is the delivery address below,

Name:Tosin Raji

Address:No 8 Sapon Rd, Sapon.Town:Abeokuta.Ogun-

StateCountry:Nigeria

Zip Code:23439.

Do get my item posted first thing tomorrow morning via royal mail first classs international sign for.

Regards,Judith


From: xxx@hotmail.comTo: judyrawlings1@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: THANKS .............Reply to your ad: Sony Ericsson XperiaDate: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 21:13:38 +0800

mail me once u transferred.


From: judyrawlings1@hotmail.comTo: xxx@hotmail.com
Subject: THANKS .............Reply to your ad: Sony Ericsson XperiaDate: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 14:11:14 +0100
I will complete the transaction in the next 1hour my network is slow here i will add 20pounds to the amount making 250pounds i will pay soo thanks


From: xxx@hotmail.comTo: judyrawlings1@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Reply to your ad: Sony Ericsson XperiaDate: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 21:05:36 +0800

Hi there,
You send the money already? Got a few offers on hand... around ur price and one is higher... Cause you the first to msg me. So I will ask you first. Pls complete by today. If not I will let go to others. As they offer 230 deal no postage.
Thanks.Cheers.Rodman


From: judyrawlings1@hotmail.comTo: xxx@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Reply to your ad: Sony Ericsson XperiaDate: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 12:24:45 +0100
do not panic it secure you get money from them as soon as i made the payment a confirmation will be sent to you that the money had been paid so get your account opened and get back to me with your paypal email address so that i can pay today



From: xxx@hotmail.comTo: judyrawlings1@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Reply to your ad: Sony Ericsson XperiaDate: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 19:16:29 +0800
Sorry... But I don't really trust Paypal... Of course I am new to it also...


From: judyrawlings1@hotmail.comTo: xxx@hotmail.comSubject: RE: Reply to your ad: Sony Ericsson XperiaDate: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 12:09:12 +0100
the address will be confirmed by paypal but i think he is in west africa do get back to me asap


From: xxxhotmail.comTo: judyrawlings1@hotmail.comSubject: RE: Reply to your ad: Sony Ericsson XperiaDate: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 19:03:35 +0800
Send to where?

From: judyrawlings1@hotmail.comTo: xxx@hotmail.comSubject: RE: Reply to your ad: Sony Ericsson XperiaDate: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 11:58:06 +0100
Thanks for the reply, i will be buying and i am okay with the description of the item.. I'm Currently out of the town and won't be available for pick up. I actually want to buy the items as a Birthday gift for my cousin in oversea of the confirmed address that will be sent to you by PayPal. My mode of payment will be through PayPal in pounds and i will offer you 230pounds for the item including the shipping and handling expenses to him through through royal mail post office. I want you to send to me your PayPal email id, so that immediate payment can be done.if you are new to PayPal, you can easily log on to www.paypal.com and set up an account with them with either your Bank account Information or your Credit/Debit Card details and its simple and easier, just in few secs; you get your account activated. PayPal is very secure and reliable. Get back to me with your PayPal email address if you are still interested


From: xxx@hotmail.comTo: judyrawlings1@hotmail.comSubject: RE: Reply to your ad: Sony Ericsson XperiaDate: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 18:54:20 +0800
Yes... Still available...


Date: Sun, 11 Oct 2009 11:53:00 +0100From: judyrawlings1@hotmail.comTo: xxx@hotmail.com
Subject: Reply to your ad: Sony Ericsson Xperia
Hi there Rodman, you have received a reply to your Gumtree posting "Sony Ericsson Xperia" (ad# 46997621) from judyrawlings1@hotmail.comHere's your message:is it available?180

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i am so so so scared... it was a few min of the greatest near-shock experience of mine.. i am very very very glad my bf and i are supportive of each other... thanks bb.. thank God.


i wanna share this experience with you guy, no comment needed, this is the nearest to crime i had since 12 yr old.


There are stranger out there, so beware my friends.


So it was another random day that bb and i were planning what we gonna get for each other on x'mas, and my bb was planning a real surpise for me. Suppose all o>f you already know my character and how i am able to force bb to spill the bean, i finally found out he had been planning to get me a Iphone this year.


In the afternoon, admist our usual conversation, bb ask me if i knew anything about paypal, knowing i wasnt that supportive of paypal since i have heard alot about it, i told bb i wasnt of much help


Later in the night when i reach home from work, Bb excitedly jump at the chance to tell me he is really excited cos he sold his phone off and shall have enough money to buy me a new Iphone.. i was equally excited but my sixth sense tells me something wasnt very right. i then prompt bb into telling me more about the sales and he says payment is done through paypal and he would have to send the phone to Africa.


Now, i have heard alot about Africa and was aware of its malicious scam, so i told bb immediately not to jump at the chance and allow me a chance to study this whole matter. A little irritated at first, he soon quiet down a little to give this whole transaction a second thought.


Meanwhile i did a google search on "sending parcel to Africa, nigeria" and found this link

http://www.joewein.de/sw/fraud-western-union-bidpay-ebay.htm


it freak me out big time.. as well as this


http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070426031506AAaCsz2


and i forward all mails to bb... i ask bb for the person account and his name, and i did a further research on "Judy Rawlings", there were no findings on the person but his name broken up can be found in the same link of scam-fraud .


Bb soon realise something might be wrong and he did another research on the paypal transaction transcript. True to my intuition, it was a 100% scam..


he had received a transcript from
pspaypalconfirmation@googlemail.com


a further research on this email address can be found here --> http://nekkidtruth.blogspot.com/2007/01/ebay-hijacker-email-addresses-p.html?widgetType=BlogArchive&widgetId=BlogArchive1&action=toggle&dir=open&toggle=YEARLY-1136095200000&toggleopen=MONTHLY-1177999200000




we are going all out to reject that person nicely now.... and bb is very thankful he had discuss with me earlier... i am still scared out of my wits... now.. still am.. i will copy paste the discussion btw my bf and him later


Here is a worrying news, i tink i am suffering from very very mild Bipolar Disorder

did a quick serach on Wiki and found similar symptons. For those who dunno what bipolar disorder it, i shall not copy paste it here cos no one bothers to read them. to summarize, a sever Bipolar disorder includes

  • emotional, depression
  • hallucination
  • abnormally elevated mood

and the symptoms include:-

  • Depressive episode: persistent feelings of sadness, anxiety, guilt, anger, isolation, or hopelessness i admit i get the feeling usually 2 weeks into a certain activity, be it dating, working, studying, and i manage to pull myself up by crying real hard the particular night till my eye swells too deep i had to sleep, the next morning, i usually experience the next episode
  • Manic episode: i will tell colleagues and friend i am in a full force mood swing, i had a strong tendencies to smash things, to slap somebody and bite something, den i will urge my friends to answer ridiculous question of which i will force psycho them to belive my theory, otherwise my mind will psycho myself to belive they had been conquer. Unless i see baby or stuff that melts me like pets and doll, the anxiety build up till i cry uncontrollably.
  • Hypomanic episode: pressure of speech and activity, and decreased need for sleep, needless to say i now understand why i had to dial 11 digits to uk to talk to bb, and why i appreciate the fact that we are 7 hrs apart and he will be sure to chat with me till i try my hands on sleeping again
  • Others experience hypersexuality i can justify this, not going to explain how
  • irritability please check with the bf, raymond, vivien and pau.. Oh MUST check with my sister and she can tell you first hand
  • racing thoughts,: yup.. on the dot.... i cant catch up with my tots, and bf thinks i am have a lawyer inside my brains.
  • individual often will deny that anything is wrong.:again.. check with the bf
  • hyperactivity disorder: this only happens when i am not aware. my sister and dad have all confess to me about my very very strang personality of talking like a professor with fluent english in my sleep, i grind my teeth nonstop till it hurts, den goes on and on about a theory i cant understand, all that while i am asleep!

i dun need help, but i am proud to say the symptom are less explosive now... am i suffering from bipolar disorder

fuck this fucking life...

leave me alone.... all of u

Saturday, October 10, 2009

a REALLY lazy afternoon at home, and here's all that i have loaded my tummy with


  • fried vermicelli
  • fried carrot cake
  • prawn kuay teow soup
  • egg tart
  • siew mai
  • salmon fish
  • 1 scallop
  • 1 prawn
  • 2 clams

Dad has been complaining, all time he saw me at home i am helping myself to the food resources at home, as thou i hadnt eaten all year, and i cant help it, i am feeling so empty, it as if food can occupy those emptiness and makes me feel better...

i wonder why i am feeling so low lately, gotta buck up and hang out with all friends sooner, i feel my roots growing, sticking my body to within 10 km, and all that i can get my ass to, are places nearby, are places that keeps my mood in place..

oh honey, wont you come home sooner.. i need you

on a particular night, TGIF, i sat alone on the bed since 6pm, resting and getting emotional and found out a little more about myself.


- i realise i shud nt tk friends too serously, and by saying so its just cause i am taking friendship a level too high it makes me sick, it makes me emo watching things tk place in silent, it makes me put them at priority..


i hate friday... especially this fri....


bf, you need to understand how sometime it will be that great if u are around..



those u read the above post...... dont ask me anything about it.

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

"sorry.. I m using your pen.... "

My first conversation with a school mate

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

sigh.... Break time in school.. Trying real hard to resist that temptation to dial those overseas number that will allow me to hear those voice..

Had a bad dream about almost cheating on Bb.. Glad that dream are far from reality cos the actual fact was how bb n I can b super in love, thousand of miles apart. However, one can never complains about having too much attention from the bf....

Sunday, October 04, 2009

omg.. omg.. omg... melt!~ Now you know why i need this man so much.........................


rodster_91@hotmail.com said (7:29 AM):
bb...
I know when u go work...
I this lazy pig of YOURS is still sleeping

rodster_91@hotmail.com said (7:30 AM):
so I send u a morning msg
so u can start work with a smile...
I love it when u smile
it melt my heart....
hehe
hope no nightmare last night
hehe
bb...

rodster_91@hotmail.com said (7:31 AM):
LOVE YOU!!!!!
muackx