Friday, March 11, 2005

this few days has been like hell. i finally wait till Ismail called me before i finally break down and cry.. too stress. nuttin seems to be on the right track.. even a single joke could end me up in a quarrel between me and my brother.... i felt so loss..
-God seems to have left me out for a while..-
and i was left on my own. i did not wanna approach anyone for fear of my temper.... i lost to Simon..... quarrel with my brother when Denise is around.......and just as i walk in front to see some stuff, girl approach Denise and Sharon to be models.... what else could get worst? i feel drained. like all my energy are quickly running out...... Mail tried to call me initially but i was already asleep.... the days are stressed and havoc.. night are dark and scary... i dun wanna live in this fear for long................ And than that day i finally squeeze some time out to talk to my Baby, i finally break down.. i could not take it anymore. i miss my Baby, i dun wan to be those da jie jie solving prob for my best friends or solving equations for my classmates anymore.... i just wan to be a little girl around Mail, i just wanna throw my temper and cry over dropped lollipop... i just wan to be free.. of all this nonsence!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and then Mail told me my Grandma would not wan to see me like this........ i cried.... so badly.... who else can i miss most but my grandma? the previous few cryings over 2 months are because of Grandma. i miss Grandma... i told Mail, he understand how i felt....... he just stood by me........ but that night when he finally told me Grandma would not want to see me like this..... i kind of woke up....... I REALLY MISS MY GRANDMA, the one that teach me knitting, sewing, cooking, cleaninf the house, and the one who encourage me to constantly win others and exercise... i miss Grandma...... that night Mail acc me on the phone while i cry my hearts out......

after a true cry, i smile..... a silent smile, cos i feel so light again, the feeling of letting out all this kept emotions in me are all out....... i giggle, then laugh, then laugh out loud, Mail knew the crisis was over,.......... he was happy, i was happy too...........

i know, i am highly emotional,......... but i cant blame myself....... a few task, projects to be done and then exam and all shall be fine., i saw Bro this afternoon, i said bye to him as i left the house, the first bye we ever exchange, it was pretty good....

-sometimes the simplest bye can mean alot, it can mean~ come back early, we are expecting you for dinner.-

so thats the end of my entry this time...... i bet Princess and Sharon are reading this, let not talk about this topic again........ i just wanna stay happy again./....

me and my empty brains. welcomes problems again/. hehe

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